Yesterday was the first day I woke up in my own bed since returning home from the tragic loss of my 22 month old nephew, Baby James. The alarm went off and I seriously did not know how I was going to put my 2 feet on the ground.
The last 5 days had been packed with things to do. We had to make funeral arrangements, write an obituary, pick out a prayer card, visit the cemetery, make repass arrangements. We needed to make sure we had the perfect pictures to display, hand written cards needed to be dropped off at the florist. Our alarms would go off and I would get up because we had to keep moving. We had places to be and things to do. As a person who seems to be late for everything, I sure wasn’t going to be late for Baby James funeral. I loved this little boy and I was going to be on time and I was going to make sure everything was as perfect as could be. So I marched on…putting one foot in front of the other. I was on time. I was there for Baby James.
But then we returned to reality. The sound of our alarm going off because I needed to get up and get our children ready for school. But I just couldn’t imagine putting my feet on the floor. I was so broken. I had a feeling of emptiness. I laid in bed for 40 more min. I just didn’t think I could possibly get up. But I had to get up. I had to get our kids to school. I had to take our pre-schooler on her field trip. But the floor seemed so far away. I just couldn’t figure out how I could possible get my feet to touch the ground. But I got up. I made school lunches. I went on the field trip. I have never learned so much on a field trip because I had to listen…I had to stay engaged and focused, otherwise I was going to fall apart.
After the field trip, I returned home and I was just sort of staring into space. How do I go about my day when there is so much pain? How would I find the strength to go on? So I decided to put my 5 year old in the jog stroller and go for a run. I needed to prove to myself that I could still function. The sky was a beautiful blue. The air was quiet. The sun was warm. We ran for 6 miles.
But it was on the run that I realized how I would be able to go on. I will do the things that make me strong. I will do the things that fuel my heart and soul. I will create JOY. My WHY, my purpose, is to help people live a healthy & fit lifestyle. I like to fix people. Whether I help fix their eating plan, fix their workout routine or help them fix their bad habits and create new & purposeful habits, my purpose is to help motivate people to live a healthy & fit lifestyle. Baby James was strong. Baby James was a fighter. And because of his strength, he gave us 22 months of Joy. So I will let his strength, his joy, his smile, fuel my purpose. I love helping to make a difference in someone’s life. I love helping people become strong. And that is how I will overcome this pain and March On. I will help people become strong & create Joy for others like James was strong & created Joy for me.
